How can I begin to tell you how important my family has been to me? They have endured the good and bad times in our lives with equal grace and have been my backbone throughout my career. We all need family to support our efforts in life and mine have been the best. There is no way I could have endured the rigors of my professional life without their help and support. My parents, wife, four sons, and my four grandchildren are the reasons why I have been able to give so much time to my profession and my patients. They have unselfishly allowed me to pass on to others the love, kindness and support that they have given to me. I am forever indebted to them for all they have done for me.
First I must thank my parents for giving me the spark to be a physician and then through their hard work and sacrifices paying for my education. Thanks to them the day I graduated from medical school I was debt free. It was my mother who provided the initial spark for me to become a physician. Not that she pushed it on me but just the way she talked about caring for her patients made me appreciate how special those in the medical profession are. My mother was a great nurse and I had the good fortune to speak to several of her patients who told me so. She made me understand how special it is to care for someone in need. What a role model she was for me. My father knew very little of the medical profession. I can remember many discussions that I had with my parents at the dinner table about my experiences in medical school. Some of those discussions albeit very graphic literally made him physically sick and sent him to the bathroom. Many times he asked me to please have those conversations in private with my mother. But nonetheless he encouraged me to achieve my goal in his own non-medical way. He wanted his son to be successful at everything I did from my childhood to becoming a physician. He spent so many weekends with me at track meets in high school and college. He was always there to support and encourage me. I will always remember the day I graduated from medical school how proud they were of me. They were no small part of my becoming a physician and I was so glad to be able to give them the pleasure of sharing in that moment. How proud they were of me and how thankful I am for all they did for me. They both are gone now but I know I could not have succeeded without their love and support. Thank you Mom and Dad. I will forever wish I would have told you that more often when you were alive.
The most important person in my life is the woman I married over 40 years ago. My wife Katherine has been my best friend, confidant and calming influence throughout our life together. For over 40 years she has stood beside me through all my ups and downs. Being a wife and mother is no small task as I’m sure many of you know. Well try doing it alone on many days, nights and weekends. As a nurse, she has shown me the tremendous kindness and caring spirit that she gives to her patients. Her uncompromising devotion to help others was what first attracted me to her. With unique unselfishness she cared for her dying mother who suffered from bone cancer at the very young age of 46 and both of my parents in the latter parts of their lives. She welcomed them into our home and cared for them both as if they were her own parents until the day they died. She would not allow them to be sent to a nursing home even though she very well could have declined to take them in. That was quite a feat considering she had 4 little children to take care of also. They were both fortunate to have her by their side when they passed on. Kathy is also an excellent nurse and that has enabled her to be the perfect companion for me. She understands the demands put on me more than anyone else because she has seen it first-hand. We worked together during my Ob/Gyn training and she filled in as my office nurse on many occasions during my career. She continually reminded me that caring for others is such a noble calling and the example she gave me on a daily basis has helped and guided me to be a better person and physician. From the day I met her as a new graduate nurse until the present, she has allowed me to devote the time necessary to do my job without a complaint or jealousy knowing that often meant I would have to be with others instead of her and our children. She has never let my absence at birthdays, graduations, anniversaries and special occasions with friends and family ever become an issue of contention between us. There is no doubt I have been able to provide her and my children with a good life, but she alone knows at what price. Being married to a physician carries a lot of hidden baggage with it, but no one else could have handled it with any more grace or understanding. I knew how she cared for her dying mother that this was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. It was the medical profession that brought us together and it is what has kept us together all these years. Thank you for all your love, kindness and support Kath. I love and need you so much.
As for my children, they are the pride of my life. My sons have grown up to be the compassionate and productive men we had hoped they would each become. Each one has taken a particular virtue or passion from us and embellished it to the fullest. We are very proud of our teacher, police officer, aerospace engineer and airline pilot. None of my children have decided to become a physician and I think I understand that because they saw first-hand the sacrifices that the profession demands. One of them reminded me of that when he told me one day "Dad, very few people understand how hard you work.” While I would have been thrilled if one had decided to become a physician, I know now that it is not the profession that it used to be. I certainly have been able to provide my children with many of the good things in life but the compensation has diminished so much that I often question whether the rewards are worth the sacrifice anymore and that is a shame on our society. Money is not what should drive our children or anyone to be a physician, but due to the time commitment, the extreme cost of the education, the rewards must be commensurate with and compensate for the sacrifices involved. That used to be the case but is no longer the situation any more. Many of our brightest young men and women are not choosing to go to medical school. That to me is the biggest shame that our society is letting happen. We need to reward those who choose to help others, not quibble over how much they make for the sacrifices they endure. Let’s be honest who is more valuable to our society: a doctor, football, baseball, or basketball player? Who else is willing to leave their home at all hours of the day or night to care for someone else and yet some people are jealous or resent the amount of money they make? How many times have I heard over my career that doctors make too much money? I have never and still don’t understand that mentality. Talk to a physician’s family and you will see at what price it takes to be a member of this profession. I sincerely hope this book will help you to understand this better and see why I have written this book.
One thing that has always given me great joy is when one of my sons meets someone that I have delivered and I can see the pride in their eyes that their dad helped to bring that person into the world. I have a special bond with my oldest son Pieter, not only because he shares my first name but also because I delivered his wife Karen. He always tells me when one of his students informs him that I was the one who delivered them. At the beginning of every new school year he always asks the students in his class to stand if you were delivered by my dad. It is his way of showing me and them how proud he is of his father. My sons have always made me so proud of them and I'm glad that I have been able to provide them with the opportunity to be proud of their dad. As with my wife, my sons have always been so understanding of the occasions when I had to miss something important in their lives. I have never heard one of them complain even though I know there must have been times when they were very disappointed I could not share an important event in their life. This is the price the medical profession demands of its members whether they be doctors or nurses. Each one of my children has taken a particular joy in my life and let it blossom into a career for them. I always enjoyed teaching and Pieter has chosen that as his profession. I have always had so much respect for those in law enforcement and my son William has become a decorated police officer. Patrick saw my love of aviation and it led him to become an aerospace engineer. My youngest son Kevin, like me, is a pilot. As an airline captain he has fulfilled another one of my many dreams that I had as a child. I have had the extreme pleasure of flying on an airplane he has commanded and it was such a thrill for me to tell the passenger next to me or one of the flight attendants that it was my son who was the one piloting the plane we were on.
As for my grandchildren, they are so precious to me. I was fortunate to be nearby when each was born. As I know how thrilled my father was with my sons I am so happy my 2 grandsons will continue the Ketelaar name. My 2 granddaughters are so special to Kathy and I. It took 77 years for us to have a girl born again into my family after so many boys. We are so grateful to have these two young girls to love, care for and dress up that we never were able to do before.
So to my family I want to tell them how much I love them and thank them for giving me the freedom and support I needed to devote the time I had to give to my profession. Each one has unselfishly shared me with my patients and my profession. Without them and their understanding I would not have been able to fulfill all the demands of my professional life. But most of all thank you for bringing so much joy into my life. I treasure each and every one of you and I go to bed every night so thankful and happy you have been in my life. Thank you one and all. You are the best and I hope you know I love you all very much.
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